Diary of a Christmas knitter: 36 days to go!

My mum has maintained a wintry attitude towards me for the last week, and despite shameless toadying on my part with bunches of flowers and surprise boxes of miniature truffles, it’s only just beginning to lift. The thing is, all the running round after her out of guilt has eaten horribly into my knitting time. My list is looking insurmountable now. Never mind, at least I’ve got this weekend to take a clear shot at Tina’s wrap and clutch bag.

So today, feeling tasky, I go to my friendly local yarn store to pick up some Rowan Kidsilk Haze to begin, in a green to match Tina’s eyes. Pleased with myself, I stow it under a pound of carrots and a knobbly celeriac from the market, and call her to suggest meeting for coffee.

Tina arrives in a mood that would do credit to a pantomime witch. While she rants, I manage to rip back the entrelac cushion and start again from before I made the mistake. She orders us a huge slice of mudcake to “share”, but as I’m knitting with both hands I only get one forkful. Still, I’m galloping on with the cushion while she rattles off some story about taking a T-shirt back to H&M, when something suddenly catches my attention.

“What was that?”

She growls over the last of the mudcake. “Weren’t you listening? I said I thought it was blue, but when I got it home it was green. It must have been the lights in the fitting room. You know I can’t stand green.”

My blood turns to ice. Making my excuses as quickly as I can, I dash back to the yarn store to exchange the pretty green yarn for a festive scarlet. I can’t think if she wears it, but I’ll never be forgiven if I buy the green.

36 days till Christmas and all I have is most of an entrelac cushion?! Time for panic to set in…

That ambitious list is beginning to seem more and more far-fetched. What will happen next to our unfortunate Christmas knitter?