7 Reasons Knitters Will Survive The Apocalypse

When it comes, we’ll be ready…

1. We’ll be cosy and dry(ish)

Wool is not only lovely and warm, some fibres have a level of water resistance – think about it, how else do sheep stay dry? We’ll be able to knit ourselves a whole wardrobe that’s also the height of practicality in these troubled times.

2. We can clothe the world…

When industrial machinery has turned to rust and ruin, who you gonna call? A knitter of course! We can kit you out from top to toe, just pay us in food.

3. ...even down to the unmentionables!

Yep, knitted undies are a thing. They were a thing before cotton, silk and polyester became the norm, and they will be again. We’ll even make them in superfine yarn for softness and comfort, aren’t we good?

4. We’ll get a good night’s sleep

Sleep is one of our basic needs as humans – it’s what stopped us knitting through the night before the cataclysm. By the way, have you ever seen a 400g ball of yarn? It’s like a big comfy pillow and is rather conveniently the perfect size for your head. What a coincidence?

5. We won’t go crazy without technology

While mere mortals* are pining over their mobile phones, games consoles and telly boxes, we’ll be doing what we did before. Sitting and knitting in a revered state of calm.

* by mortals we mean non-knitters, obviously.

6. Yarn has many uses

You can do more than just knit with our fabulous fibres. They’re great for mending things, tying things up, stringing between empty tin cans for an old school telephone, attaching to jam jars for a spot of fishing, the list is endless. All useful things for the new order. But, if you try to use our finest qiviut for harnessing a goat, see number 7.

7. Needles have points on them